


i'll huff and puff and snark you to death

by cettevieestbien



Series: Family Ties [2]
Category: Supernatural, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy hates John, Darcy is Mouse to Dean's Squirrel and Sam's Moose, Family, Gen, M/M, Sam ships Destiel, Sam's Bitchface, Sharing a Bed, bitchface ™, she is Mary Winchester's sister, the OC is Darcy's mom, very platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 10:18:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3116444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cettevieestbien/pseuds/cettevieestbien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Darcy is part Winchester, Sam and Dean encounter a wild Thor, and Tony dies laughing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll huff and puff and snark you to death

**Author's Note:**

> Darcy is Dean and Sam's cousin. COUSIN. Not sister/daughter. She is very opinionated, and hates John (I am definetly not projecting no nope certainly not). Just an idea I had, not connected to the first part of the series.

Darcy's mom had managed to get out of the life.

If that wasn't a miracle in and of itself, she managed to _stay_ out of the life.

Darcy had known from day 1 what she was lucky to be missing out on, unlike, apparently, the cousins she hadn't spoken a word to in her whole life. They were there, though - Dean and Sam Winchester, and Gwen, Mark and Christian Campbell.

Her mom didn't think that the Winchesters knew they had family, which Darcy didn't like at all. At least she knew they were out there. She couldn't imagine the life her mother told her they might have.

(And yeah, Victoria Campbell, nee Lewis, knew what was going on with her family. She may have gotten out, but that didn't mean she didn't stay connected to things like that. She knew all about Mary's death. She knew all about how John Winchester was corrupting his boys.)

Darcy wanted to reach out to them. Obviously, her mom could do something like that if she knew what their situation was.

So, the summer of '98, John Winchester, dragging his sons with him, showed up at their house in Pennsylvania - in the middle of the night.

From what Darcy knew, he was going on a business trip, had gotten her mother's message, and was asking if her mom could watch over Sam and Dean for a while. Darcy thought that was ridiculously stupid, and told him so. He hadn't liked her telling him that "normal parents didn't loan their kids off to major strangers, haven't you heard of stranger danger?" or "you literally just met her, and you're asking her to do this for you? Do you know what people do before asking things like that? Years of friendship, at _least_." Her mom hadn't backed her up, or stopped her. Score one for Darcy.

Sam, the younger one who was still a few years older than her, had tongue-in-cheeked the whole ordeal, she knew.

Lots of arguing later, John left. Darcy had huffed and puffed and threatened to call CPS on him the whole time, and was glad to see him gone.

Then, she'd turned to talk to her cousins, which, by the way, were both hot and exciting. She'd never really had family, didn't know who her father was, long story short; just her and her mom. Who wouldn't want some semblance of family after 12 years of _that_?

"I'm Darcy. Apparently, we're cousins. Awesome, right? I get hot cousins, you get smart-ass cousin, it's win-win, really."

Dean had grinned at her, and Sam had burst out into full body laughs. It was hardly the last time she embarrassed herself in front of them.

* * *

Darcy's official title was SCIENCE! Wrangler. That didn't mean she didn't wrangle everyone from Captain America to well, herself, who was decidedly the lowest level of Avenger a person could be. That also didn't mean that she was constantly working, making sure everyone was fed, watered and slept sometime in between missions.

She's in the lab that SCIENCE! occurs mostly because Tony Stark is funding Bruce Banner and Jane Foster, and adding in stuff he deems important on their SCIENCE! binges. Jarvis usually doesn't say much when said binges are happening, simply because he could try all he wanted, but he would not get anyone's attention.

"Miss Lewis," he said, despite her telling him to call her Darcy or Queen Wrangler or literally anything but any variation of Miss Lewis, "there are two FBI agents in the lobby requesting your presence. Shall I let them up?"

Tony was _ooooooh_ -ing in the background (because he was clearly the twelve year old), but Darcy wasn't paying attention. "Can I get a video feed of them first?" She'd kinda like to know if she's dealing with her cousins, who she knew impersonated the law, or the real feds.

A feed popped up in front of her face, showing two men she knew well. One, Sam, was as tall as ever, with hair that could rival both Bucky's and Thor's and lines on his face that she sure as shit didn't remember. The other, Dean, was stiff-postured as she remembered, serious looking and sporting a military cut like usual. She couldn't believe she used to think that Dean was the one without an ass-stick.

Bruce actually _gets up from his SCIENCE!-ing desk_ , peers over her shoulder at the boys (who, despite being older than her by a whopping seven years total, are still boys to her) and shrugs. Jane glances over, glances back to her own SCIENCE! before she can really see what they look like, and then whips her head around to stare at them.

"Holy shit," Jane says dazedly. Tony is also staring. Darcy thinks he might be blinded by her family's good looks (which were put to good work on her cousins).

"Let me get to the communal floor first, 'kay Jarv'?" And Darcy goes for the stairs, since it's only a few floors up. Jarvis doesn't bother to respond.

She gets there only huffing and puffing slightly, a personal freaking best, and doesn't even notice the people on the floor. The elevator doors open just moments after she gets to the floor, and then she is flinging herself right at Sam with a squeal.

He grins, catches her, and swings her around, just to annoy Dean - he always said it was too "chick flick" for him, meaning Darcy and Sam _had to_.

He puts her down, and then she's on Dean, hugging him and squeezing him and giving him all the love she possibly could in the short hug he allowed her. (Darcy knew that he was seriously messed up, and gave him anything he wanted, honestly. He didn't get enough of the "babying" in his so-called childhood, so Darcy gave all of it to him when he was 35 years old. He acted like he hated it, but they both knew he reveled in it.)

"Oh my God!" She said when Dean peeled himself away from her. "How long are you in town? Should I be worried? Is it ba-"

"Darce?" a voice asked behind her. She turned to look, and found the whole team staring at her. Tony and Bruce were smirking, Natasha, Thor and Clint looked ready for a fight, and Steve, the one who had spoken, looked spooked. "Who-"

"Please do not tell me if they're your boy-toys, please," Tony stressed, interrupting Steve before he could finish his question, and making sure he wasn't going to be assaulted with info he _didn't_ need.

Darcy's face screwed up. She knew Dean was doing it too, and that Sam had his patented bitch face on. "Tony, these are my _cousins_ ," she stressed, "both of them are older than me, and even if they were my boy-toys, I would never tell you."

Tony looks like he's about to ask why she wouldn't, when Thor steps forward. Darcy doesn't get the chance to warn Sam and Dean, and when Thor speaks, they both wince.

"YOU ARE THE LADY DARCY'S COUSINS?" His smile was disarmingly - and falsely - wide.

Dean gave him his best placating smile, and nodded. After sharing a look with both Darcy and Sam (the closest family he had and the ones he considered the most important people to him), he said "I'm Dean, this is Sam. What's your name?"

Darcy snorted. "Way to come off innocent, dude. Sam, Dean, this is Thor, that's Jane, Bruce, Tony, Steve, Natasha and Clint. Heroes, this is Sam, this is Dean. If you try to intimidate them, they will laugh in your face, and I will try to kill the offending party. Got it?" She didn't wait for an answer before turning to her boys. "Lets go talk?"

Sam ducked down, put his shoulder at her waist, and hoisted her up over his shoulder. "Didn't we teach you better than 'try'?" He teases her.

"Moose!" She shrieked, pulling on his hair in a pathetic effort to make him let her go and ignoring his question. When that didn't work, she locked eyes with Dean, and made grabby hands.

He grinned. "Where to, Mouse?" He asked, using the stupid nickname she'd been honored with when they first met. Her eyes narrowed. She lived with and took care of insane superheroes - he wouldn't be the winner in _any_ of their arguments from there on out.

Tony cackled before she could answer. "Wait, so Moose, Mouse and...?"

Sam smirked evilly. "Squirrel."

As Sam, Darcy and Tony laughed at Dean, Steve pointed them in the direction of her room, where Dean was quick to drag them to.

"Stop acting like children already!" could be heard all the way in the living room.

Tony cackled again.

* * *

Darcy awoke to voices. That wasn't unusual for her - what made this different though, was a new voice. She remembered going to sleep with Sam on the other side of her bed and Dean on the couch.

Sam had started sleeping in her bed when she was 17 and he was 20. Both of them had a hard time sleeping, and didn't like to be alone, so it worked out, especially since her bed was big - big enough where they wouldn't be forced to spoon but if he woke up, he would see her and not freak out when he couldn't find Dean. Dean and her mom had found it weird - they were cousins, but still - until Darcy and Sam had explained to them and were both blushing so hard they were sure they were going to explode.

(John had come by one night, checked in on them, and congratulated Sam on his catch. Darcy had been quick to slam his fingers in the door, because a, she was not scared of him, no matter how much bigger he was, and b, she did not approve of his parenting skills. She referred to Bobby as their dad 9 times out of 10.)

When she reached out to the other side of her bed, the voices stopped and she found nothing but the pillow.

"Sammy?" She moaned, squinting at where the voices had come from.

"Mouse, go back to sleep," Dean told her.

She grunted and rolled over. "I will when you tell me where Sam is and who you've brought to _my room_ , Squirrel."

"'Squirrel'? I do not understand." The new voice said slowly.

Dean groaned loudly. "Sammy is reaming Tony out in the kitchen. I brought Castiel," he enunciated the name to make sure she heard it with her head buried in a pillow, "to your room. He's a friend."

Darcy shot up at that. It wasn't often her boys had friends. Unfortunately, she fell right off the bed when she sat up, and landed on her butt. "Mother _fuck_ er," she griped.

Dean rushed forward, like the caring guy she knew, and handed her her glasses. "I told you to go back to sleep," he bitched. "Now you're hurt," he acted like it was her fault for wanting meet this guy!

She made grabby hands, and he helped her up with a deep-suffering sigh. He gestured to the guy watching the interaction, who was wearing a trench coat in the middle of the summer, but whatever, she could accept eccentrics like no one else. "Cas, this is Darcy. Darce, this is Castiel."

"He a hunter, or what?" Darcy asked Dean.

"I wasn't aware she knew of... 'the life'." Castiel spoke, and Darcy paused at how rough it was. What, did he gargle glass shards for a living? Seriously, what-

"Mouse, he's an angel, Cas, she knows, she's just not in it. Now that you've met, you can go back to sleep, and me and Cas can talk. Okay? Anybody object?"

Darcy considered it, checked the time, and came to a decision. "I need to go Poptart Jane, but I will be back, and you will introduce your friend," she threatened.

"Got it," Dean confirmed with a groan.

Darcy left then, not caring that she looked like a Bed Urchin. She found Sam in the kitchen, just like Dean had said. "Hey, Moose?"

Sam's head hit the table. All of them hated their nicknames, but wouldn't stop calling the others theirs - it was torture, but it was fun embarrassing the other two, so it had to happen. "What?" He moaned into the table.

"Who's Castiel and should I be worried about who you two are hanging out with?"

"Castiel is Dean's almost boyfriend. And no, you _do not_ ," he hissed sharply, probably remembering the year they went to the same high school and she told everyone he tried to befriend he jerked to anime - and not the good kind. That was also the year that he beat up anyone who tried to hit on her, but all's fair in love and war.

"Wait - _almost boyfriend_? Why am I just now hearing about him?" Darcy demanded.

Sam shrugged, put on his bitchface, and said, "ask Dean why they haven't fucked. I'm the one who has to deal with their UST, you know. Also, can I ask why you ' _hang out_ ' with these people? If you're gonna ream us about it, I get to too." Maybe he woke up in the wrong forest, or something? Was there a coffee shortage that she didn't know about?

Darcy rolled her eyes. "First, you _are_ more bitchy in the morning, Dean was right. Second, they're funny and they blow shit up. Win-win. I need to go Poptart the scientists, but you'd better be in my room with Dean and angel boy when I get back up."

He narrowed his eyes, but nodded, and groaned as she walked away, mostly for effect, she knew.

_Score._


End file.
